San Francisco is a confusing city.
It’s young and old. East and West.
We’re a European town on the North American continent with an eye fixed on Asia.
Where the 18th century meets the future.
We got the hills to keep you off balance.
The fog obscures one’s vision.
San Francisco is the only city in the world where you can get lost just by standing still.
And not everything makes sense.
The Love Generation was born in The Haight.
There are no more fishermen on Fisherman’s Wharf. But there are seals as opposed to Seal Rock, which has been totally abandoned to the gulls.
The Golden Gate Bridge is painted international orange, not gold.
There’s no beach in North Beach, and it’s on the east side of the city. Should be called East Beachless.
Washington Square is on Union Street but Union Square is nowhere near either Union or Washington streets.
The landmark Twin Peaks has three vistas.
The so-called “crookedest street in the world” is not even the crookedest street in the city.
The San Francisco Mime Troupe … talks.
And don’t bother honking at the little white cars without any drivers. They won’t respond.
The San Francisco 49ers play their home games in a stadium 35 miles to the south.
And one of the flatlands is called the Sunset District, where you can never see the sunset because of the fog.
Nobody is more confused, though, than the summer tourists, who are betrayed by both the map and the calendar. Instead of visiting California in August, they somehow end up in the North Atlantic in February.
And finally there’s much more to explore after Land’s End.
Will Durst is a local comedian whose newest one-man show, “He Who Shall Not Be Named,” will open soon in San Francisco.
